Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
