dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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