porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
