I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
