The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
