u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
