My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
