I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
