i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
