I wish I could teleport
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
