You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
