so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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