Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
