Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
