So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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