But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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