So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize