no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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