is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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