Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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