lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
