he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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