I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
