OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
