Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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