perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
