WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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