I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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