Someone shit on the floor
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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