Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
