wakey wakey hands off snakey
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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