forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
