non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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