On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
