I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
