how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
