You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so let's talk penis.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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