their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
