Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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