Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
