I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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