can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
