Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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