as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
