He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
