WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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