I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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