I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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