She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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