For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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