I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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