i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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