I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
