so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
