Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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