I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
