Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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