two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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