Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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