So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
