there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
