we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
