so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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