Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
