OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Text me some of your sweat
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
