If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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