you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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